I am, of course, not without feelings. That is to say I’m human. But I tend to live in that part of the brain which is governed by logic.

I can’t remember how old I was at the time this when transistors were still in tin cans. I was very young but my dad introduced me to transistor to transistor (TTL). He drew out the schematic for AND gates, OR gates, NOT gates, and the like. I built these logic gates out of individual transistors. And I tested out the circuits using manual switches for the input and little light bulbs for the output. I was hooked on logic.

With difficulty I can sometimes acknowledge feelings whether they are my own or someone else’s. But it is usually with ease that I evaluate the logic of any given situation. I live in logic.

My born-again experience transcends both feelings and logic. I think I’ve already shared my testimony elsewhere in my journal. Although I will assert that my faith is followed by logic that by no means should be taken that I ignore logic.

Logic, more than almost anything else, defines how I look at things and react to things. This journal entry is about how I see my faith and live my “religion” in the light of my logic.

I like the premise of books such as The Case for Christ. Although I haven’t read that one I’ve read others like it. I enjoy hearing speakers like Ravi Zacharias, one of my most favorite, and his radio program Let My People Think. Although I don’t remember it very well anymore I’ve read Tim LaHaye’s The Battle for the Mind and other books along this line.

What I have personally found is that Christianity makes sense when other religions do not. Let me qualify that a little bit. Judaism makes sense because it points ahead to the Messiah which was revealed in Jesus Christ. There is no other religion that passes the test of logic. And I will add that atheism, too, does not pass the test of logic.

After starting such a journal entry it seems a shame that I cannot finish it. But here it is, 1:20 AM in the morning, and I can barely keep my eyes open.

I hope to write more on this later.

3W CREE LED Flashlight review:

Flashlights are important to me because of my disability. I use them every night. Since my feet can’t feel properly to help me balance I use other information to help me. My most important help comes from either using a cane or some other thing (wall, handrail, someone’s shoulder). But I also need to be able to see. When there are shadows throwing off my vision especially in unstable environments such as anywhere other than my own home then the likelihood of my falling down can be quite high. Even a cane only helps me as much as I am able to see my environment.

The absolute best place to get a good flashlight is from LED Wholesalers.com and my favorite flashlight is this one.

It uses either a CR123A -OR- 2 AA batteries.

I have tested this flashlight using two rechargeable AA batteries. It maintained full brightness about 3.5 hours.  Using a single rechargeable CR123A (RCR123A) lasted exactly 45 minutes.

Using the RCR123A after about 20 minutes the flashlight became very hot. It didn’t bother me using the AA batteries. But using the single RCR123A it became almost too hot to hold. That really doesn’t bother me because I only use a flashlight in short spurts, just long enough to transport from here to there. I suppose if I was looking for something using the flashlight then I would be better off using 2 AA batteries. I suppose the heat is distributed better with 2 AA’s than with one RCR123A.

I am often reminded of certain instances when we discovered I had cancer.

On the one hand Georgia and I were overwhelmed. Our world was turned upside down. Normal life came to a grinding stop as we were thrust into an entirely new dimension managing my health issues. Words are not enough for me to describe all that occurred during the first few years of our fighting cancer. My youngest son was five years old at the time. In a way he lost both his dad and his mom because we were both called into battle. He, too, was overwhelmed. The battle seemed more than any of us could handle.

But throughout the insanity of our battle with cancer there was another aspect to it which gave us stability, hope and strength. This other aspect wasn’t new to us except that its intensity, efficacy, and preciseness came at a level previously unknown to us. Our insane, overwhelming world of cancer was corrected and controlled by simple acts of kindness given us by unexpected and sometimes unusual sources.

Even at the time it was evident that these acts of kindness, although preformed by the hands of people, had their source and inspiration in the heart of God Himself. There were doctors, chemotherapy treatments, and other instruments of healing that were certainly all part of God’s plan. But in addition to the practical and “indicated” courses of action for my health care were numerous acts of kindness. They were not practical. They were without explanation. Their importance cannot be measured. They were a gift from God.

Medical science has come a long way. The processes for bone marrow transplants are well defined. The prognosis for a positive outcome was very good. However Georgia and I had experienced a roller coaster of hopes dashed. From the first time I became ill, six months and numerous doctors with wrong diagnoses, the eventual diagnosis of cancer, months of chemo only to find out it didn’t kill all my cancer, and now a bone marrow transplant, we have become leery if not cynical. Medical science had let us down too many times to trust it now.

Georgia was understandably discouraged. I was in a hospital bed at Johns Hopkins Hospital, extremely weak, in intense pain, and feeling like I wasn’t going to make it. She had been with me all morning and needed to take care of her own needs. She needed to connect with God in a meaningful way. As I slept with morphine pumped directly into my bloodstream she took the opportunity to find a “lonely place to pray.” She went to the hospital cafeteria, got some tea or soup or something, and found a quiet corner with empty tables where she could sit down by herself.

Another lady came all the way over to Georgia’s quiet corner and with other empty tables in the area this bold woman sat right down across from Georgia. Georgia wanted nothing more than to be alone and connect with God. And this lady disrupted everything. But wait!

I’m afraid I don’t remember the details of this account. But I do know is that this lady ended up to be a Messianic Jew who loved the Lord Jesus Christ and wanted to show kindness to Georgia. The woman talked with Georgia, encouraged Georgia, and, I think, prayed with Georgia. (I said that I don’t remember the details.) Her act of kindness guided Georgia into a meaningful connection with God. We don’t know her name. There is no possibility of my thanking her. But I can (and do) praise God for her involvement in our life during a time of great need.

This is just one example of numerous such instances that occurred not only during the heat of our battle but during my entire life. The older I get the more I understand the miracle of it all. Leo Tolstoy got it right in his most popular of stories. At the end of it he quotes, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matthew 25). Read the entire story here at http://thriceholy.net/Texts/Tolstoy.html .

I could never go back, find the woman who encouraged Georgia, and thank her for her kindness. There are thousands perhaps even millions of such instances of selfless love, simple acts of kindness, from the hand of God (not the goodness of man). It is impossible to thank even one of these people and how much more–I can’t even imagine that I could thank all of them. But I can praise God continually and acknowledge Him as the true source even if occasionally at the hands of unbelievers.

Please consider what you can do today to be kind, selflessly love those in your own home or even a stranger. Be a part of God’s miracle in someone else’s life today. I believe this is what it means to offer your body as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1). Romans 12 tells us “love must be sincere”, “be devoted to one another in brotherly love”, “Practice hospitality.” and “Share with God’s people who are in need.”  Our love and worship of God includes such service, such acts of kindness. God is glorified.

I’ve identified five types of “lightning bolt” pain that I experience. Except for the last one these “lightning bolts” only last for a split second which I feel in entire body. I’ve never been hit by lightning so I can’t really compare my pain with a true lightning bolt experience. But I have been shocked by the tens of thousands of volts from an ignition coil.

1. Unexpected sharp sounds cause pain like a lightning bolt throughout my body. I physically jump. I have absolutely no control over it. If I’m sitting in a quiet room and somebody drops a pan or even something smaller in the adjoining kitchen I will jump with pain.

2. Any kind of touch on my hands or feet will cause pain. The odd thing is that I can touch you and experience a small amount of pain but if you touch me I will feel a large amount of pain. And if that touch is unexpected then the pain is a whole body lightning bolt.

3. The memory of pain will usually cause a lightning bolt of pain. In other words if someone unexpectedly touched my hand or foot causing a lightning bolt of pain then if that memory comes to mind I will experience a similar lightning bolt of pain. This can be a day or even a week later. Odd, isn’t it?

4. Idiopathic lightning bolts of pain will sometimes occur. (I really just wanted to use the word idiopathic.) Seriously though I do get lightning bolts of pain for absolutely no reason at all. I’ll just be sitting there and then “kaboom!” I just got hit by lightning! I really don’t know this but sometimes I wonder if it’s something going on in my unconscious mind that brings about those random lightning bolts. Or maybe it’s something else.

5. This last one isn’t exactly a lightning bolt and doesn’t really affect my whole body like the other four times listed above. But it seemed important at included in this list because like a lightning bolt it lasts for only a fraction of a second. Well, usually. What will happen unexpectedly and idiopathicly (is that a word?) I feel like a sharp knife is jabbed straight into the top of my toe. I’ve never had that happen in real life so again this is only a perception. But it’s a very painful perception. Usually for only a fraction of a second a knife is thrust into the top of my toe and it really, really hurts. Only rarely does that pain linger for only a couple of seconds. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! When it lasts for a fraction of a second the offended foot will jump and by the time it jumps the pain is gone. But when it lingers, ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

I have several of these “lightning bolts” every day. Although they are painful they usually not a significant problem.

The more significant problem that I have is the constant pain which is accumulative. It adversely affects everything in my life. I am totally disabled because of it. Maybe I’ll describe that pain in another journal entry. But these lightning bolts have been on my mind and I wanted to document what I know about them.

I’ve been disabled for 7 1/2 years now, since the beginning of 2001. What a ride! I’ve learned a lot about myself and about life during these years. It’s very difficult to communicate what I’ve learned to someone who has not endured disability from chronic pain. I’d like to try to briefly explain something which I feel could help anyone even if they are not disabled. It might not be earth shattering to most of you but perhaps it may encourage someone.

Whenever I’m faced with a frustrating limitation arising from my disability I have three goals in mind.

Initially I want to cope with the limitation realizing that no amount of anger or complaining will change it. The reality is that I can’t walk more than a few feet before my pain demands that I get off my feet. I accept that through my trial God will work His perfect will. And because of that I can “consider it pure joy.” (James 1) But I also recognize that Jesus “endured the cross despising it’s shame” (Hebrews 12) and I won’t do anything differently. The pain is horrible but what I’ve gained, what I’ve learned is of great value.

Eventually I could learn to compensate for my limitations. It doesn’t remove them. No, I still experience pain when I walk. But using various techniques physical, mental, and technical I have learned to get where I’m going in spite of my pain. Of the places that I want to go it appears that there are few limitations. However my techniques to compensate require effort and there are still some limitations. Yet the extent of my excursions surprise me.

Ultimately I want to conquer the limitations of my disability. Even now I am using voice recognition software to write this journal entry. Typing is too difficult, really, too painful especially late at night when all the pain of the day is multiplied in my feet and hands. I wouldn’t want to type at all using my hands. I still have a lot to learn about dictation. It is a great mental effort to formulate a complete sentence of written quality and then try to speak at with sufficient articulation so that the software can get it right.

The difference between compensating and conquering my limitations is this: compensating extends my abilities beyond my limitations such that I can do the things which I need to do. Conquering removes my limitations. When my method (or methods) of compensating for my limitations essentially makes me equal to someone who’s not disabled then I consider it conquered.

To elaborate: I can get to almost any place I need to using one of my wheelchairs. But I still can’t go hiking to Rattlesnake Rock unless someone carries me on their back which I’m unwilling to allow. However using voice recognition software allows me to “type” as well as someone who types using their hands. There is little or no difference. Using this tool more than compensates, it conquers the disability.

I must add that there are other factors to coping, compensating, and conquering a disability. It involves the mind, will, and I believe even one’s emotions. I must also add that there is a spiritual aspect to all of this.

If my mind, will, and emotions were not fixed on coping, compensating, and conquering my limitations then I don’t think the results would be as good as they are. I also believe that if I did not have faith and depend on God for strength then there would be no success. I would go so far as to say this is the number one most important factor of all.

As I grow older I see more and more how it is God Who is the reason for all the things in my life which have been a success. People often comment on how well I raised my children. Oh my! Although I was never abusive I can’t say that I was such a great dad. God led me every step of the way. Although we’ve never gone bankrupt financially I’ve been a real idiot. I’m still amazed that we make it week to week and year to year.

I could recount every area of my life and how God was the architect of everything good.

Part of me is very, very tired and really wants to go home, that is, to Heaven. But there is another part of me that looks forward to seeing my two teens asked they become men, watching my grandchild (and eventually grandchildren) grow up, and enjoying the wife of my youth. There is still a lot in this world that I appreciate and enjoy.

And while I’m in this world I will initially cope, eventually compensate, and ultimately conquer all that tries to stop me from appreciating and enjoying life. I sometimes say, “I’m not 6 feet under.” In other words, I’m going to live. And I’m going to do so in spite of my pain, in spite of my limitations, in spite of everything that is against me.

Alive in Christ, now and forever,
Ed

Business Week, March 27, 2006 article on pages 52-53, “You Are What You Post” (Bosses are using Google to peer into places job interviews can’t take them) is an instructive basic outline of the danger and what you give up when you publish. I’ll let the article speak for itself.Even before reading this article I’ve always been amazed at what people will write in their blog. I seem to remember a case where a child was angry at their parents for reading their blog as if it was some kind of private diary. No, anything you post on the internet is pretty much free game for all eternity, well, you know what I mean.

First, consider this:

After my first chemo treatment I posted something on a newsgroup (this was before personal blogs as they exist today) about my first experience with cancer and chemo. I have a unique last name and every so often I’ll search the internet for hits on my name. One day a German website had my name on it and when I translated the text into English I found that my post had been translated and posted on the other side of the world. I might have died from cancer but what I posted would have lived on.

Regarding a church website there are other, similar dangers to consider.

Our church has installed cameras in all classrooms and certain other areas in order to discourage predators and other criminals from illegally using our facilities. But why don’t we take a similar, serious concern about our website?

Scenario 1:

I’m all for outreach events. We have an Easter Egg Hunt every year and invite the community to attend. This is an event where children are often apart from their parents and possibly hidden from others as they seek out hidden eggs. It is also an event where we invite anyone to attend. Registration should be mandatory for everyone who attends even if registration occurs the day of the event. Registration, like surveillance cameras, may deter an otherwise predator. I want to know who is around my children.

How such an event is worded on a website is important. What age of children are allowed to attend? Disclosure of the required registration may alone be a deterrent of predators. Do we give details of the event or require that interested families inquire by calling the church office?

Scenario 2:

Mrs. B was invited to give a personal testimony about faith since the Sunday message was to be about faith. Instead she waxed on about how she works for Acme Company right here in Smallville and her co-workers are all stupid and mean but because she is a Christian she is going to preach to those heathen even though they are all going to Hell. Okay, maybe that’s not quite as bad as it could get. We did have one person talk about one co-worker who recently became Christian, another who is on their evangelism list, etc., and the detail was not something that their co-workers would want to hear about themselves on the internet or something they would want their other co-workers to hear.

I listen to the entire message carefully screening for specific names of people or businesses which might be bad if they were left in the podcast. I use Audacity to clip and try to leave the message intact without the missing clip.

Scenario 3:

Missionaries who talk about specifics of their mission.

Same as #2 above. Some missionaries are quite specific about not including their part of the message on any podcast as it could compromise the mission or the people they are associated with.

Scenario 4:

Personal names, phone numbers, and email addresses of volunteer staff can sometimes become a problem. I know a doctor who also is a leader in our church who put his email address on a webpage and his patients found it..

Rather than list an email, I use form mail. (Or is it formail?) Rather than phone numbers I refer all phone inquiries to the church phone number. Rather than personal names I list ministries or events, thus. “I’d like to talk to someone about the children’s ministries.” A name, number, and the inquiry can then be recorded and passed on to the appropriate person. Whether in a podcast or on a webpage route all inquiries through a controlled conduit - the church office.

Scenario 5:

So this isn’t as critical as the other scenarios, but it is still important for a good podcast: Get the announcements and other incidentals out of the podcast. I’ll even edit out an occasional “uh” if it is distracting to the message.

Scenario 6:

Music and song lyrics: I’m not real savvy about laws regarding posting music on the internet. I have no idea how YouTube gets away with posting actual concert performances or music of artists. But I’m not about to let my church get into trouble. I won’t allow any music in our podcasts except such things as Amazing Grace and other hymns which surly must be in the public domain by now. Even then I’ll only allow a part of such a song hoping that if I’m wrong about it being in the public domain at least I didn’t publish the entire song.

Scenario 7:

Photos on websites: Get written, signed permission! If a person leaves a church will I have to go back and remove any photo with them in it? Be very careful about photos of children. Make sure that all photos are “becoming” and not in any way lewd, crude, unbecoming, or otherwise wrong to post. (I remember one person who asked me if I could help them to lose 20 pounds. It is indeed amazing what Photoshop can do!)

Scenario 8:

Ownership: I don’t like Blogger, Xanga, Flicker, etc. except for things that I want totally public. I use Gallery so that I have control over my family photos. It is easy to make a family account, login “family”, password “password” (or course this is just and example) to allow anyone in the Rodatus family to see our family photos. But it is even more than that. I wonder who has what rights when I allow someone else to host my photos without my complete ownership? I pay for a hosting service, of course, and perhaps one could argue that I still have the same problem. But some of the free blog host sites clearly say that they will use your posts (at random) on their opening page.

Summary:

No doubt there’s a lot more that could be added to sanitizing your church website. I’m not as paranoid as I might sound, I’m just very cautious. I don’t think that people yet realize what they are doing when they blogger, facebook, or youtube their life. It could (and likely will) come back to bite them some time in the future. What do you want your children to remember about your life?

Philippians 4:8

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.”

It is my job as final editor/publisher to make things right. I want to make my boss look good and that means to make everything “just so.”  I will make sure that everything on the podcast and website are becoming, that is, lovely.

Ed

Adeline Grace Rodatus - I’m a grandpa!

6 lbs., 15.75 oz., 21 inches.

I enjoyed reading this list from here: http://nootherrock.com/2007/12/22/a-revelation/

 Of the most insightful revelations I have received during this endeavor:

• It’s never about your or me. It’s always about Him.
• Conforming to the ways of the world is terribly hard to avoid - but can be done
• The moment is now. Not yesterday. Not Tomorrow.
• God’s timing is amazing.
• Even the wicked can be used for God’s intent.
• I still have and always will have much to learn.
• Hope is for those not already living in His grace.
• I love you.

I hope that the author of this website, www.NoOtherRock.com , continues to write.

I figure there are at least 5 reasons, I think, that people custom build higher-end computers. A person will likely fall into one or more of the categories below:

1. Enthusiast - This is the true overclocker, the purist, the extremist. The entire group of custom builders (the other categories below) should be thankful for their trailblazing, early adopter, watchdog benefits to the rest of us. They keep the mb, graphics, mem, and processor companies in line. They identify strengths, report problems, and find solutions.

2. Wealthy - The enthusiast may or may not be wealthy. But I’ve noticed more than one person building a high-end custom machine seemingly only because they have the money to do so and want the best even if they aren’t using it to its fullest potential or don’t understand what they are doing.

3. Gamers - We should all also be thankful for the gamers since they share attributes of the enthusiasts. Gamers are also quick to adopt but for a goal focused on their gaming capability. Their analysis isn’t as thorough but it is still very useful information as they try things that sometimes even the enthusiast didn’t think of yet.

4. Application oriented - These are people with non-gaming needs such as CAD, photo and video editing, probably some other applications. This is more where I am. They use the information from the enthusiasts and gamers and many times contribute back to the community with their specs, experiences, etc.

5. Server oriented - These people, although they often purchase COTS products, will sometimes build or at least tweak their machines to obtain better performance.

I believe that group 5 has stability, robustness as their top priority. Group 4 also would want stability but has speed, multitasking as important secondary priorities.

Gamers don’t yet need quad cores as much as they need speed. Until the games make better use of multiple cores it doesn’t help them much if at all.

Since gamers, enthusiasts, and wealthy upgrade their systems more often than application or server oriented, they often are the earliest adopters. Gamers are often looking for deals being that most are not wealthy. Same for enthusiasts but maybe less so. In other words, I often hear gamers recommend OC-ing an inexpensive dual core for best gaming results rather than OC-ing a more expensive quad core which, at this time, help them any more.

I’m not trying to make classes to cause division but to recognize the different attributes that a person might have. A gamer might also be interested in applications. We all have different strengths.

As an application-oriented person I hope to add information as to what would be the “mainstream” custom-built computer.

I hope to add to this community as I hope to learn from it.

Georgia, David, and I went to see Janet Huckabee this morning. It was a lot of fun but I was wiped out before noon.

Here is a photo, it isn’t very good, I think we both are not looking our best. (I look terrible, I think! Need to trim that beard now!