I get what you’re saying, it is a strange paradox; but God is so far above us and I think both are true.  If the Bible says it, we do have free will and God does choose us, His Spirit ‘woos’ us.  Hard to understand but easy to Trust HIm and not fret.  If great theologians can’t grasp it (and have been arguing for centuries)I’m not going to worry about.  God has given me enough things to dwell on (my husband,children, mortifying my sin and living a righteous life that will glorify my Father).  It is very thought-provoking, though.

That’s exactly my point–both are true! Just like the suffering servant and reigning Messiah!

You know, Calvin was just a man, a godly man non-the-less,
the main thing really is the Gospel. Jesus dying on the cross for a sinner like me; is overwhelming and allows me to have a grateful heart so that I can serve Him and obey Him, live for Him, die to my flesh, to truly pray for humility so that He won’t oppose me, but give me Grace(one of my pastors says we should agree that “we are the worst sinners we know”); these seem to be some of the main themes of the Bible and living a life pleasing to HIm?  Don’t you think so?

I have absolutely nothing against Calvin. Just like Wesley and Luther, Calvin was appalled that followers called themselves by his name. He was a great man and I, myself, might even be a “5 point Calvinist” although I’m not entirely sure I understand the tenants fully.

My point is that Calvinists have made a religion of their own apart from God’s Word. The Bible is profitable for doctrine; doctrine is not the source. “Some say I follow Paul, some say I follow Apollos.” It wasn’t Paul’s fault or Apollos’. It was the followers who were the problem. Paul ends by saying, “follow me as I follow Christ.”

Paul instructs me here because as a Dad I could begin to think that my children should follow me. That’s true when they are young. But as they grow older I must help them to see that they are to follow me only as I follow Christ.  I will follow Calvin as he follows Christ. I will even follow a Calvinist as he/she follows Christ. But I would never call myself a Calvinist. I am a Christian.

Most, (not all), Calvinists that I know tend to be legalists in varying degrees. Maybe I, too, would be considered a legalist by some. With all their “correctness” of doctrine Calvinists sometimes seem to miss the sweet, sweet grace of God.

It is almost humorous to alternate attending a Wesleyan and a reformed church. Although I tend to agree with the Calvinist doctrine a little better than the Wesleyan, I would much rather attend the Wesleyan church! They are more relaxed (sometimes contributing to their downfall), and more fun to be with. This, of course, just my opinion! ..and it isn’t always true. Some of my best friends are Calvinists (no kidding). But really, this is not the point.

Some Calvinists can be arrogant and oppressive. Usually their children hate it and rebel. There are many exceptions. Actually, one of the more humble men that I know is a Calvinist, but the humble ones are still the exceptions, IMHO.

I have nothing at all against Calvin or his followers. But I have a problem when someone puts their doctrine above God’s sovereignty (how ironic) or His love. And I’m pretty sure that Calvin would agree.

Disabled due to chronic pain I’ve been particularly interested in Scripture regarding pain. There are many verses and even whole chapters relating to pain. Many may be familiar with the “consider it pure joy when you encounter various trials” verses in James chapter 1. But one can gain better understanding when in a painful situation as referenced in Scripture than just reading about it detached from the experience.

Take 1st Peter chapter 4 for instance, almost the entire chapter referencing pain: “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” (1 Peter 4:12-13)

Even though my pain level is higher most evenings than anything I’ve experienced before my disability I rejoice and have that “peace that surpasses understanding” (Philippians 4:7) and the “life more abundant” (John 10:10) that God’s Word says a person can have in this life–all in spite of sin, suffering, loss, and pain.

As for my pain, I can “scorn its shame” and try to reduce or eliminate it, but I don’t know that I should ask God to take it away. I bear my soul to God regarding my pain-only He knows how much I’m suffering. (He suffered much more!) But if my pain is “the race marked out” for me, then who am I to ask God for a different plan?

At times feel myself growing weaker and so I chose the following as my meditation verse for this year. Note especially the “joy set before Him” part:

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (Hebrews 12:2-3)

My eyes are on Jesus. Although I feel so weary at times I will not grow weary and I will not lose heart. Rather, I will rejoice and be overjoyed! Praise God!

I’ve been asked, “if I don’t believe in Calvinism, then what am I?” Great question!
First, I never said that I don’t believe in the tenants of Calvinism. I do but only with qualifications.

As for the question, “What am I?”, I am a disciple of Christ! I am His servant!

I love what Paul wrote to the Corinthians, how when he came to them “I resolved to know NOTHING except Christ and Him crucified.” When all is said and done, (and I do mean all in the very broadest extent of the word), that is where I stand, that is what I believe, in Christ and Him crucified.

I won’t say that everything else is fluff, meaningless. But we will have our disagreements and often we will argue even when we are in agreement. (Come on! You’ve seen that happen before, too! Haven’t you?) I won’t and can’t disagree with Calvinism but I won’t accept that as all there is. God can have it both ways and we are blinded to it.

Consider the reigning Messiah and suffering servant problem in Isaiah. The very teachers of the law, those who hold the very oracles of God, they missed it big time as did Jesus’ own disciples even after Jesus said that He would be crucified and rise in three days. I just don’t believe that I’m smarter than the Pharisees of Jesus’ day and so rather than hold to a doctrine which could cause me to miss the grace of God; I will follow Christ, not a doctrine.

Do I sound harsh? I don’t mean to. I feel the same about when Jesus will come back. I have a viewpoint but my opinion is meaningless. Jesus will come back according to His plan, not my perception of it. I trust Him in life; I trust Him in death, and I trust Him in the rapture whenever it happens to take place. Discuss it if you want. Maybe that’s fun for you. I’m hanging on to my Savior and I know that I’m not going to miss out on that great and terrible Day.

I am completely, utterly amazed at how God preserves us constantly giving us opportunities either to obey him or not. I believe the concept of free as essential to my faith in an almighty God. I cannot argue with the tenants of Calvinism. (Not meaning to offend any of my esteemed Calvinistic friends, but perhaps I have no choice. That is, maybe God chose me to believe this way.)  I agree that man is utterly depraved, unable to choose God. Yet when I read the Word of God I see an unmistakable doctrine of free will. Although amazing considering all the previous choices of my life, seemingly exclusively bent on sin, in his mercy God calls, “whosoever will.” I will not attempt to reconcile this paradox, this enigma with anyone. All I know, as in the words of John Newton, former slave trader, “I once was blind but now I see.”  Who better than John Newton, purveyor of the most despicable industry of all time, to willfully claim that glorious status found in John chapter 3, “unless a man be born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.”  I am born again and thus have the capacity to see God’s kingdom. And praise God, as Paul prays in Ephesians chapter 1, the eyes of my heart are being opened to see God’s glorious inheritance in the saints.

I’m not sure exactly where this journal entry is going. But too often I believe I have something to say and, because I want to say it well, I delay. Organizing, outlining, refining my thoughts, I end up never making a journal entry at all and eventually the inspiration passes. I’m tired of that happening. God continually inspires me. His creation inspires me. His Word inspires me. His people inspire me.

A quick side note regarding Calvinism. There are of course many problems associated with any viewpoint not rooted in Calvinism. But there are, I believe, similar problems ignoring the gift of free will. Maybe I shouldn’t go here because this isn’t what I want to talk about. Read on if you dare!

Every moment I have a choice. To deny that would be to deny Genesis, God’s very creation. Every word that I’m reading into my voice recognition software is a matter of choice. I’m really not trying to discuss Calvinism at all. But I do have a point to make that, unless I’m mistaking, flies in the face of Calvinism.

Every instant God lays a path before me and draws me to obey him. In every same instant, our adversary the devil, is attempting to lure me away from God’s perfect will. Even as the angels observed, God gives me the gift of choice. I choose. Me. Either I glorify him in eternity or indulge my flesh which is mortal and corrupt and corroding as I write. This idea of choice, the concept of free will, is ever in front of me. Any and every instant I can either praise God or deny my Heavenly Father.

To take yet another detour, let me say that not only do I believe in eternal security but I am completely confused by anyone who does not believe this way. God has sealed me until the day of redemption. I am His and as Jesus said, no one can pluck me out of His hand. Okay, so that sounds like my choice been taken away from me, you say. The Calvinist point, as I understand it, is that I cannot choose God but that God chose me. Hmmm. Only God can make a perfect paradox, a completely unsolvable situation, and then solve it. He’s done it before–in Christ: Mercy and Justice. You see, I want it both ways and I believe that it’s possible. I can’t choose God and yet he calls me to choose him and thus I do.

You know what? I am so completely off my subject. This isn’t at all what I wanted to talk about. So let me try to get back to it.

I believe that at this very moment you are reading these very words you have a choice. It is a privileged and precious gift. Although I say it is privileged, it is given to every human both believer and unbeliever, but it is still a privilege. What I do with this moment, this time, this hour before me, is entirely up to me no matter what my situation is. Even in the midst of a bad situation, oppressed by external forces, even within the scope of that situation and those external forces, I have a choice. I don’t see how anyone can say that I don’t. One can oppress my body but they can’t stop my ability to choose no matter where that choice will take me. It is given to me by God and He preserves it.

Oh, there’s so much more that I like to say. But I am desperately trying to get back on my subject of choices and changes.

What do I want to allow controlling my life? There is a verse in Colossians, I think, that says, “since then we walk by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit.” I like the idea of keeping in step with the Spirit. I don’t want to allow anything to rule me thus I must constantly choose God. That’s the way I see it. If I want good changes in my life and in the lives of those around me then I must constantly choose God. What that means is that even as moment to moment varies I have a choice: There are temptations yet God is faithful and makes a way of escape; There are trials yet sometimes the right choice is to go through those trials rather than avoid them; I have a choice moment by moment.

I choose God now and always. And I trust all the changes are according to his perfect, loving will.

I apologize for this fragmented, lengthy, disorganized journal entry. I still feel as if I didn’t get out of me what God has put in me to say. I seem to keep digressing into this or that. My hope is to encourage, not argue with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I wonder what you think. Should I throw this journal entry into the trash as I have so many others? Or should I post it, as it is, and see if God uses this jumble of words I chose to make.

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