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January 14, 2014

How do I do it?

by on January 14, 2014. Filed under Thoughts


How do I do it?  How can I function with all the pain I have?  How do I get up, go out, do this and that, live life when constant and sometimes severe pain infiltrate almost every part of my body?

It seems that God made me this way for His purpose. Because I really don’t know how I do it.

This morning, so far, is the best morning I’ve had in a very long time.  I’m feeling selfish–which I don’t like.  I want to enjoy this very low pain morning for as long as I can.  I feel like I need this break.  I get worried about my heart.  How long will it be able to handle the stress of constant pain.

My pain does have one up-side.  It keeps me close to God.  I’ve no where else to turn because no one really can understand the pain and stress that I feel.  My wife is great and gives me love, compassion, and she helps me in every way. But even she can’t fully understand.  That’s okay because if she did understand that would mean that she feels the same pain and I wouldn’t want that for anyone.

There are other people in this world who have pain. There was a man in California that I used to email once in a while. He took lots of nasty pain killers and was still in pain. He realized that the pain killers were hurting him so he was weaning off them last I heard from him. He would feel sorry for me and I would feel sorry for him. I think he was worse off than I. Who knows?

Writing a “poor me” journal entry seems so selfish, so narcissistic.  I’d rather write about how God sustains me. That’s the answer to the question: How do I do it?

How do I do it?  God sustains me!

“I lift up my eyes to the hills–where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip–he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you–the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm–he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”  (Psalm 121)

All journal entries are copyright by Ed Rodatus - all rights reserved.
(Except the entries in the "joni" category. All the "joni" posts are from the Joni and Friends daily email devotional.)

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